Status: Approved.

/*REVISION ONE*/
int hash_function(char* c){
    int result = 0;
    while(*c){
        result *= 4;
        result ^= c;
    }
    return result;
}

/* Comments:
 * Code reviewer A: you shouldn't have magic numbers in your code,
 *                  at least name them something useful.
 * Status: Rejected.
 */

/*REVISION TWO*/
enum NUMBERS { ZERO, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR };
int hash_function(char* c){
    int result = ZERO;
    while(*c){
        result *= FOUR;
        result ^= c;
    }
    return result;
}

/* Comments:
 * Code reviewer A: seriously? Give them MEANINGFUL names!
 * Status: Rejected.
 */

/*REVISION THREE*/
int hash_function(char* c){
    int result = c == c;
    while(*c){
        result += result + result + result;
        result ^= c;
    }
    return result;
}

/* Comments:
 * Code reviewer A: I give up.
 * Status: Approved.
 */

/// interpreter, commented

Interpreter found here. I have never written nor read a single line of perl before today. I thoroughly regret breaking that record, and this was the result.

#!/usr/bin/perl -w

# set debug options, if any
my $debug =
    ($#ARGV >= 0 and $ARGV[0] =~ m/^-d([1-2]?)$/ and shift and ($1 || 1));
$| = 1;

# allow implicit s operations on the input
$_ = join '', <>;
while (1) {
        print "\n[", $_, "]" if $debug == 1;
        if (
            # replace and capture a series of anything but / and \
            # at the beginning of the string
            s!^([^/\\]+)!!
            or
            # replace and capture an escaped character at the beginning
            s!^\\(.)!!s) {
                # print the captured result
                print($1);
                print "\n[", $_, "]" if $debug == 2;
        }
        # if neither of those succeeded
        elsif (
            s!^/((?:[^/\\]|\\.)*)/((?:[^/\\]|\\.)*)/!!s
            # ^                                         search for, at the start of the string,
            #  /                                        a backslash
            #   (               )                       capture group $1: the search
            #    (?:          )*                          non-capture group, 0 or more times, match:
            #       [^/\\]                                  any non-/ or \
            #             |                                 OR
            #              \\.                              an escape sequence (\ + any)
            #                    /                      followed by a /
            #                     ((?:[^/\\]|\\.)*)     capture group $2: the replacement (same pattern as $1)
            #                                      /    followed by a /
            #                                       !!  replaced by nothing
            #                                         s match newlines in this thingy
        ) {
                my ($s,$d) = ($1,$2);
                # $s is the search, and $d is the replacement
                $s =~ s/\\(.)/$1/gs; # replace all escpaed characters with their character
                $d =~ s/\\(.)/$1/gs;
                while (s/(?:\Q$s\E)/$d/) { }
                #      s/          /         replace
                #        (?:      )            non-capture group:
                #           \Q  \E             quote regex (literal stuff in between)
                #             $s               the search
                #                  /  /      with
                #                   $d         the replacement
               #while                    { } until no mathces are found
        }
        # otherwise, break out of the loop (I think ?)
        else { last; }
}

The Immortal Declaration

atob=(typeof atob)[0]>'t'?s=>new Buffer(s,'base64').toString('binary'):atob;
e=(o=f=>([...a],...b)=>f((z=(...Q)=>[...Q[0]].map((_,c)=>Q.map(r=>r[c])))(a,[...b,'']).map(e=>e.join``).join``))(atob);s=o(i=x=>x);p=([b,...a])=>b?b.repeat(b>=' '&&b<='~')+p(a):[];
console.log(p([...e`${e`V${e`RVZH`}`}V`+p(e`${e`VVVV`}U`+` D`+e`${e`UTFK`}FQVRF`.replace(/./g,(e,i,z)=>z[5-i])+s` ERA NE${`${Math}`.replace(/[^M]/g,[])[0]} `+e`${e`VEV${-~++[-~++[[]][+[]]][+[]]}`}B`)].reverse())

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